Pubbe Gagge

Been around a while, still the best pub joke ever.

Three fellowes wenten into a pubbe,
And gleefullye their handes did rubbe,
In expectatione of revelrie,
For 'twas the houre known as happye.
Greate botelles of wine did they quaffe,
And hadde a reallye good laffe.
'Til drunkennesse held full dominione,
For 'twas two for the price of one.
Yet after wine and meade and sac,
Man must have a massive snack,
Great pasties from Cornwalle!
Scottishe eggs round like a balle!
Great hammes, quaile, ducke and geese!
They suck'd the bones and drank the grease!
(One fellowe stood all pale and wan -
for he was vegetarianne)
Yet man knoweth that gluttonie,
Stoketh the fyre of lecherie,
Upon three young wenches round and slye,
The fellowes cast a wanton eye.
One did approach, with drunkene winke:
"'Ello darlin', you fancy a drink?",
Soon they caught them on their knee,
'Twas like some grotesque puppettrie!
Such was the lewdness and debaucherie -
'Twas like a sketch by Dick Emery!
(Except that Dick Emery is not yet borne -
So such comparisonne may not be drawn).
But then the fellowes began to pale,
For quail are not the friende of ale!
And in their bellyes much confusione!
from their throats vile extrusione!
Stinking foule corruptionne!
Came spewinge forth from droolinge lippes,
The fetide stenche did fille the pubbe,
'Twas the very arse of Beelzebubbe!

Thrown they were, from the Horne And Trumpette,
In the street, no coyne, no strumpet.
Homeward bounde, must quicklie go,
To that ende - a donkey stole!
Their handes all with vomit greased,
(The donkey was not pleased,
And threw them into a ditche of shite!)
They all agreed:
"What a brillant night!"

Taken from Bill Bailey's show "Bewilderness", transcription from Dimmu Borghild.

Under 21?

If you appear UNDER THE AGE OF 21 you will be asked to prove YOU ARE OVER 18

Seen somewhere in SOHO, London, UK

Religious wars

Religious wars are just people fighting over who has the biggest invisible friend

Stephen Fry on the Late Late Show.

Say hello to my little friend

Asus EeePC 900 20gb. White. My wee baby.

Getting started:

• http://wikiasuseee.com
• http://wiki.eeeuser.com

Y un muy especial agradecimiento a los chicos de domatix por los esfuerzos y sudores invertidos en hacérmelo llegar sano y salvo desde Hong Kong ;)

What makes us human?

Feelings? Emotions?

Dogs have feelings. Frequently, I'd say, much more so than humans. Are dogs human? Are dogs more human than humans?

Intelligence? Abstract reasoning? Language?

How far are we really from our cousins the apes in these departments? Where does the ape end and the human start?

The use of tools? Learning? Communication? See above, but don't forget elephants and squids (yes, squids).

Social behaviour? Culture? Dolphins also come to mind.

An organized society? A common effort? Ants and termites can also handle that quite effectively.

Speech? Words and sentences? I've heard of many a parrot who can do that (and much more).

Of course, we have all of these things combined, and we beat all other species at any one of them. Whatever it is, we make it more, better and bigger. But is that all? Is it just a question of grade?

I say not. I say there is something uniquely human. I say it's creativity.

Oh, other animals can be quite creative at times, yes. But I don't mean the ability to create. I mean the need. We have one thing no other species on this big piece of rock has. We have a unique instinct, a unique need. We need to use our hands and brains and bring about change. We need to invent, make, build, draw, design, compose, devise, fabricate, cause, produce, bring into existence, generate, form, shape, mould, develop, construct...

Give a child two sticks and a piece of string and he'll make a cross (give that to MacGyver and he'll make an APC).

We need to create. We need to make new things, even if we don't need the things we make. We need to make things, just for the sake of it. We need to create things, even if they've already been created. We need to do it, and we need to do it our way.

I bet all of this has already been said before. I don't care. I needed to write this. I needed to do it my way.

by MasterMan

I'd like to be a hairdresser

Or two.

I'd like to be two hairdressers.

[Barry Wom answers to reporter's question, "What's your ambition?" in The Rutles]

In the beginning...

...there was nothing.

And then everything was, y todos se regocijaron.

Because whatever this is, and whatever it may be for,
Si es Gratis, es Bueno.